Speech Transcript - 275th annual 'Stay the Course' gala 1/3

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From the Archives of Plectoro Ira

The written notes from Prof. John &quot;Threejay&quot; Johann Janikowski, from a speech delivered to the Society for Human Stability's 275th annual 'Stay the Course' gala just prior to the start of the Big Bump era.

The notes include Threejay's own revisions and annotations. For clarity, any additional annotations from Plectoro Ira are enclosed in brackets, [like so].

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[Handwritten note from Prof. Janikowski:] (Note to self: DON'T FORGET THE CHALK!!)

Esteemed colleagues, friends, compatriots one and all. I thank you for inviting me to speak at this event. As you know, my father was a staunch member of the Society. I remember watching him dress in his finest to attend the 'Stay the Course' ball every year. &quot;It's important to maintain an even keel,&quot; my father used to say to me. He was a good man, and a powerful man in the Society. His heart was in the right place.

I was surprised to be invited tonight. I was even more surprised you asked me to speak. I assume you are more familiar with my father's work than my own. Maybe you expect me to say a few words in remembrance of him, and then to politely sit back down. Maintain an even keel, as they say.

[Handwritten, apparently added hastily just before taking the podium]

The speaker before me just crowed that the Society has successfully quashed a pair of new Screen productions for being 'dangerously outside the norms of society'. I believe one was about ancient exploration of the North American continent by travelers in burlap covered wagons, and the other a science fiction fantasy about humans transported to another galaxy. Dangerous stuff, no doubt.

And earlier, our fine Society Chair spoke at length about how your hard-earned credits are needed to help homogenize education programs across our planet. Credits needed to—in his words—&quot;eradicate destabilizing cultural references and regional differences in textbooks, so that all children may absorb the same lessons in the same way.&quot; Getting rid of those pesky differences and rough edges some of us have, I suppose. &quot;Taking up the white man's burden&quot;, I think one of our ancestors would have called it. Taming the savages. Your credits needed to stay the course.

I will speak to you tonight about a subject quite dear to my heart, and one that I daresay has not been broached in these halls for hundreds of years. You will say it is quite unbelievable, despite the fact that it is glaringly, painfully obvious.

Ladies and Gentlemen, the human race is demonstrably, irrevocably, and irredeemably getting stupider with each passing year.

[Handwritten:] (Note to self: Don't pause here. If they're smart they'll cut you off but they're less likely to do it mid-sentence. Keep steamrolling. Remember, BIG hand gestures for the next part)