Global Bosonic Product Sales Patter Cheat-Sheet 3/3

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You've got them on the hook, but they're asking a lot of hard questions! Don't worry, that's natural. This cheatsheet will help you through it. If you don't know the answer to something, remember: don't lie, but don't not lie if not lying is necessary.

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Dodge these tough questions:

Q: How do automatons work, anyways?

A: (If person looks pretty sharp) &quot;All of our products contain proven next-gen bosonic technology. Our processors utilize the general connectivity-generating properties of bosons, forming layers of networked meta-information nodes that are far more dense than previous positronics-based approaches. Much like the human brain, if you generate a dense enough network, you can store large amounts of information and do the kind of complex processing necessary to bring fully autonomous, intelligent automatons to life.&quot;

A: (If person doesn't look sharp) &quot;We use science. I figure a sharp person like yourself already knows all about bosons, so I won't bore you with the details. Ipso facto, we use really good science. Our science is the best.&quot;

Q: Do your automatons have souls?

A: (If person wants to hear &quot;yes&quot;): &quot;Well, as you know, Tech/Sing strictly prohibits creating an automaton with enough complexity to have what we would consider a soul. While all of our units are sentient to some degree, we fully comply with all limits and protocols imposed by Tech/Sing.

But just between you and me…sometimes I looks into the eyes of one of our new Jeeves models, and he'll look at me, and I'll just be like: wow, man. You just know there's something inside there. You know? Like, down deep. Like on some cosmic level, we're just two sparks of life circling around the same energy level, you know?&quot;

A: (If person wants to hear &quot;no&quot;): &quot;No. God no. Of course not. Souls are for humans and maybe dogs if they're especially cute. Automatons are dishwashers that can talk. If you look into an automaton's eyes for three seconds, you'll know right away: the light's on but nobody's home.&quot;

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Finish it up with a strong close:

&quot;Listen, [customer name], you look like a real sharp [lady/guy/oldster/underage minor]. I'm going to level with you: you've heard of the Asimov architecture, right? Top of the line, military grade automatons that the colonist ships are using? We've gone and put most of that Asimov tech directly into our ThinkRight© consumer-grade products. Shhh! Don't tell anyone. It's our little secret.

I would be kicking myself if I didn't cut you in on this sweet deal. You can be the proud owner of some serious military-grade bosonics at rock-bottom consumer prices. Tell you what, just because you [seem like a chill guy/smell like raspberries/served our country well in the last war/have access to your parents credit stick] I'm going to throw in our fifteen-percent employee discount. You'll be paying what I pay! It's insane! So go ahead, wave that credit stick in front of the screen and let me put an automaton in your hands right now.&quot;

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Always keep these protips in mind: In conclusion: remember to have fun out there. You are members of a long tradition of salespeople that stretches back to ancient times. You are the leaders, the special few, the first and last defenders of the Matheson-Ford bottom line, and you will always be a part of that hallowed tradition. Unless you miss your quarterly numbers twice in a row, in which case you're fired.
 * People generally fall into three categories: they see our products as family members that they love and trust, or they see them as semi-intelligent pets, or they seem them as dangerous tools that, while necessary, shouldn't be trusted. Always pitch to your audience.
 * When a person asks if they can use a unit for a particular purpose, THE ANSWER IS ALWAYS YES. Do they want to convert their Jeeves unit into a four-wheeled racer? Sure thing. Do they want to make carnal modifications to their Troglodyte floor-sweeper? Go for it, buddy. But always say the following prior to closing the deal: &quot;I must inform you that all usage must comply with Tech/Sing regulations, and that any unit that is modified from factory default may be destroyed at Tech/Sing's discretion.&quot; You can do whatever you want afterwards: wink and nod, blatantly contradict the statement, whatever, but make sure you say it every time. No exceptions. They monitor us.
 * Dress presentably. Just because you're not on their doorstep doesn't mean you can skip the electro-floss.
 * Always Be Closing
 * If a customer wants to purchase a full Asimov model, transfer them to Corporate/Military Sales. Don't say anything about legalities or arms sale restrictions: just transfer them.