URGENT - No More Racing!! 2/3

Previous/Next

To All Navigation Support Staff

Date: 2629-01-09

Ok, I'm really serious now. Cut it out with the pilot automaton races. I don't care if it's only done with the spares, as many of you pointed out. We have spares because we need them. Remember when MAT-0008 had its little freak-out last year? If the captain came down here and asked me where his spares are, what would I say? &quot;Sorry, captain, they're currently locked in mortal combat?&quot;

To those of you who objected to my order. Yes, you all had very interesting points and as always I appreciate you voicing your opinion. Allow me to address each in turn:

&quot;The pilots actually really enjoy racing, and it's probably good for them.&quot; - This is false. They're machines. They don't enjoy anything. I don't care what they tell you. They're just very good at mimicking humans, that's all.

&quot;The races simulate challenges that the future Vanguard pilot will have to face. So they're actually an accurate predictor of which automaton is best for the role.&quot; - Ok, that's kind of a good point, but I still think it would be much safer and ruffle a lot less feathers if we just ran some diagnostics.

&quot;This is a good way for us to bond with the automatons, thereby increasing our efficiency and ownership of our work.&quot; - Well, yeah, but these names you picked out for them are just ridiculous. &quot;The Blue Marauder?&quot; &quot;Sir Stomps-A-Lot&quot;? Come on. Their names are Pilot Automaton XXX-0001 through XXX-0032, and they don't have gender pronouns. Are we going to name all of our tools now? Should I start calling my socket wrench &quot;Lord Twistington&quot;? Granted, HAL-0003's plating does have an anodized blue finish on it, so perhaps &quot;Blue Marauder&quot; is a good name for him, but it's still just not appropriate.

Where did you people even come up with this racing software, anyways? I thought the simulation bays only had basic training sims. I took a quick peek, and, well, yes the graphics are actually quite well done. I like the little scoreboard you put in there that racks up bonus points when one of them nudges another one into an asteroid. But that's all beside the point! You should be directing all of this energy towards your work, not some highly entertaining side project!

I heard some of you talking around the water distribution nozzle this morning about how we're already into the semi-finals and how exciting the matchups are going to be. But I'm sorry, we simply can't have this. The semifinals are canceled. It's all canceled.

Also, please remove the racing stripes. I realize they're stylish and, and they also actually kind of help us tell the automatons apart, but seriously now, someone in upper management is going to notice! I'm really really serious now. Cut it out.

Your Boss,

Eroll Greka